On the way home from dinner tonight, my husband and I began discussing how simply acting confident and knowledgeable will lead people to believe you are, in fact, knowledgeable.
I said, "That's one of the things I feel uncomfortable knowing."
When he asked why, I explained that it feels misleading to project more confidence than you actually have, particularly in situations where you may be able to suggest a solution to a problem, but it might not be the solution. It seems disingenuous, particularly when people are apt to rely on your word as being the authority. I feel uncomfortable when other people place that much trust in me, and I dislike the influence acquired by turning on the Confidence Projection behavior.
He said, "But sometimes people really need you to be the authority. It doesn't matter if the answer you give them is the best answer possible. They need someone to give them an answer, and they've chosen you to do it. At that point, they need you to be confident in whatever answer you give."
And just like that, he gave me a little gift of insight (he does that sometimes), something so seemingly obvious that it's strange I'd never thought it before – at least, I'd not articulated it.
As a person who's often honest to a fault, the idea of lying – or being misleading in any way – for the benefit of others is foreign to me. Yes, I'm the person who doesn't believe that lying about your hideous new haircut will do you any good. It may make you feel better now, but if you're led to believe it's amazing, then you'll keep getting it and keep looking weird. But at least with the haircut thing, I've been sufficiently socialized to know when to lie.
Being a leader isn't as simple as lying about a haircut, though, is it? There's much more at stake. You're influencing opinions and making decisions that affect more people than you. I'd always thought it was about doing what's right, leading people in the right direction.
But maybe that's a flawed idea of leadership. Maybe it's just about doing something, leading people in a direction – the best direction you can think of – because without that, they'll just be milling around, getting nowhere.
Having a less-than-perfect solution is better than having no solution at all. And because of that, it's OK, estimable, and even right to turn on that Confidence Projection and throw the full force of your influence behind your less-than-perfect solution. They need you to.
When someone asks you to be an authority, they want you to be authoritative. You won't do them any favors by second-guessing yourself or being uncertain. You'll just cause them to question you – and themselves, by extension, for putting you in charge. It's your responsibility to be confident.
This is what I learned while driving home from sushi.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
As a cashier i am supposed to exude confidence. sometimes that's hard when someone buys a new mower and the blades fly off it, and almost kills the customer.
there's a certain amount of trust we have in things and people. and i think we do need to question authority and not put on aires. I recognize looking to an authority figure i do expect them to have a solution. funny thing is sometimes we already know a good solution and trust someone else better than our own good judgement. So I think confidence is good, to be responsible for our own confidence!
Thanks for your input! I agree that it's important to question authority, as much as it's important to be able to convey it.
P.S. Is there a particular brand of mower I should be avoiding to prevent death?
Post a Comment